In our previous posts, I introduced the Destructive Self and the True Self and provided you with five tools to silence your Destructive Self and strengthen your True Self. Years ago, I was participating in a great three-day seminar. The learnings were life-changing and the insights were incredible. Throughout the seminar, we were encouraged to ask questions of our instructor in front of all the participants. I found myself doing so a few times. One instance is seared in my mind, given the impactful takeaway. While discussing one particular goal I had set out to accomplish, I asked the instructor how I could get rid of fear in order to move forward. The instructor shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't know."
I stared back… was that all?
And then he proceeded to explain something that I can still see and hear him explaining.
Our instructor shared how fear can be something that never goes away. There are rare moments when we can just drop it, the way we drop a book, but most of the time, it comes down to moving forward despite the fear. Instead of wasting time, energy and emotional capital attempting to get rid of our fear, our resources are better spent learning strategies on how to move forward with the fear.
We often think we are the only ones who experience fear. Or, at best, we believe we belong to a special group of people who are subject to an acute level of fear that is insurmountable. We believe that those out there doing what we want to do are not experiencing fear. That they have somehow been able to conquer ALL of their fears; something we will never be able to. That we are thus destined, unfairly, to live how we live.
What if making better choices and living the life we want to live is not the result of an absence of fear, but the result of an ability to move forward despite this fear? And that this ability is a result of decisions available to all of us, decisions that strengthen the muscles that allow us to move forward with the fear? Do we fear our dreams, or do we fear the hard work required to move forward despite our fears? You can quickly see how fear can lead you down a rabbit hole and results in something akin to a dog chasing its tail. There’s the fear of our dreams. The fear of doing the hard work to move forward despite these fears. The fear of not being able to do the hard work. The fear of being the only “fool” who is doing the hard work. The fear of being taken advantage of… No matter where you turn, there is that fear we want to avoid. And yet, we cannot.
Furthermore, and in one of those twisted life conundrums, what if in order to get rid of the fear, you have to face the fear? I love this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt:
“…Every time that you meet a situation, though you may think at the time it is an impossibility and you go through the tortures of the damned, once you have met it and lived through it, you find that forever after you are freer than you ever were before…You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face…The danger lies in refusing to face the fear…You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Fear disguises itself in many ways: pride, jealousy, resentment, greed, hate… One of the best things we can do is recognize when it is present, even if it is under a different guise.
The next best thing we can do is to stop wasting our energy trying to make it go away, and instead develop strategies that will help us face our fear and move forward in spite of it. Not surprisingly, since fear feeds our Destructive Self, the five tools outlined previously will not only help you silence your Destructive Self, but will be of service to you when it comes to coming to terms with your fears.
I wish you the very best, Judith
Judith Duval
Judith Duval is an entrepreneur and TV personality. Her namesake company seeks to educate, teach and inspire others, especially Latinas, to make better choices, through TV, radio, web and speaking engagements. Judith kicked off her career in Finance (JPMorgan and Citigroup) and Strategy/Business Development (Bain & Co. and Sephora). She has combined this experience with a leadership background (CTI Co-Active Coaching & Leadership Training, Landmark, Gallup, among others). It is her passion for the advancement of all that has led her to her current endeavor as an entrepreneur within the wellness and media industries.
Judith was born and raised in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. She received a BS in Economics from the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania, and an MBA from Stanford’s Graduate School of Business.
You can learn more at www.JudithDuval.com.
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